..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
