just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
