im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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