I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
