if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dicks are not precious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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