and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
