Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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