Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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