Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
