I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
