11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
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