All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
