ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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