Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
