Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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