your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This is my gift to your gina
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
