Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
