I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
