Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
