You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
