Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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