Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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