Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize