You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
