oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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