I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
