I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
