Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
