dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
