Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
