you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
