i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
