the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
