My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
