I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize