I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
