so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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