I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
