were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize