remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
