remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
