just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
