Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
