hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
