We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
