All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
