Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
