So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
