The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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