My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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