I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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