if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
