don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
