Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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