There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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