i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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