the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just puked most of my soul out..
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