WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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