It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
