I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize