We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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