you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
as a side note pls kill me
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
