i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
