I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
