I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
