Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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