I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
