y did u give ur computer a hand job?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
