I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
