I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize