You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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