you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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