I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize