im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
